Can’t quite believe it but I’m now 138 days AF, after the many attempts I’m really reaping the benefits. I’m hoping anyone who reads this and struggling can take comfort from the fact that this is the longest I’ve been without alcohol for 16 years despite numerous attempts! My life has changed beyond recognition.
Apart from the obvious, no hangovers wasted days and paranoia, I’m able to waste days and be paranoid totally sober! The other benefits include being present for my daughter who has been going through a really tough time and has come home to live for a while. Also my husband needed support with a work issue which he was able to deal with with my help.
My husband, has joined me and we have managed to negotiate a family get together drinking af wine and beer. Think our relatives were amazed and a bit envious !
Don’t get me wrong I still have days when the thought of a bottle wine crosses my mind, but I’m able to fast forward in my mind as to what the consequences would be and how shit I would feel, so so far so good.
I’m off on holiday to Cornwall on Saturday, it will be my first holiday sober for years. I’m posting here because I have had a few moments when I thought I might weaken so I thought this would make me accountable.
Have to thank the increadible folk at one year no beer for the amazing support. If you want free online support please check out their Facebook page!
I may of been quiet on here but it’s not for any sinister reason ! As you know the last few years have seen me gain periods of sobriety and periods when I have drank albeit nowhere near the quantity or regularity that I used to. The story today is that I’m 14 days alcohol free. I’ve committed to at least 90 days with a group called One Year No Beer. The support, practical help and the non judgemental ethos works for me. Using approaches such as Annie Grace s in This Naked Mind, it approaches sobriety from the angle that there is nothing to lose and everything to gain!. Started by Ruari Fairbairns and Andy Ramage it tackles life from all angles, physical psychological and biological. The support on the Facebook forums and the website is phenomenal. Because we all have something to contribute regards experiences when drinking and being alcohol free , I actually feel I’m helping others as well as myself, important for recovery. Anyhow if anyone fancies taking a look at the website it’s http://www.oneyearnobeer.com
In other parts if my life I have began to say no!! This is a biggie for me. I try to be all things to everyone and end up stretching myself like a rubber band till something snaps . So I’m not doig the latest am dram show, I’ve pulled out of the Manchester marathon although I’m still running but for my own pleasure! I finished and passed my course for work and haven’t volunteered for anything else yet…..
I’m spending more time with hubby and son. Hubby is AF 6 days!! So we are supporting each other however it’s important for us not to rely on each other for our sobriety.
Hope everyone is ok out there and I’m grateful and happy to be here….
Boy, do I feel good! Not only did I see in the new year with ginger beer and Jamie Oliver’s hot chocolate, I actually had a wonderful evening with my hubby and 2 of my children!! We played Articulate and that daft game where we stick bits of paper on our forehead with names of celebs and try to guess who we are, I was Ken Dodd and unsurprisingly I came last….not a clue…even sober I couldn’t remember the answers to the questions I’d asked at the beginning….or the questions….I’m worried about myself! Articulate was rather frustrating too as I was paired with hubby who was so drunk he couldn’t really speak… or think!! I had to draw on my powers of tolerance not to get cross as I’m very competitive!! Interspersed with me asking everyone if they were hot too as I’m convinced I’m having hot flushes. They are all so terrified of the thought of me being menopausal after 20 years of PMT they all said yes ..!
One thing that we did last night which was so lovely was to open the memory jar I started last new year. I put a note of all the good things that had happened during the year as they happened, on a square of paper and folded it up. I encouraged visitors to add things too. Reading through the years memories was amazing, the overiding theme was family, achievement in running and and the am dram productions and starting hillwalking!! Its funny how you forget what you did during the yearand this is a wonderful way of reminding ourselves how full a year is!
My mum was a bit of a worry this Christmas, as my sister and I are estranged it’s always difficult for her so this year her and her neighbour went to Blackpool for 5 days. All inclusive for £239…..you couldn’t stay at home for that! It included coach travel! All the waifs and strays of Britain descend on this hotel and according to my mum….who can’t be relied on…the staff were temporary carers for the holiday period. One night a woman from a party from Dundee heckled the frank Sinatra impersonator for Elvis so much he came off the stage and had to be physically restrained from belting her, she then shat on the carpet and the the bar tender had to clear it up!! The hotel offered all these pensioners alcoholic drinks at a pound a time during the day so everyone was drunk morning noon and night. On the return journey the bus had to be stopped as 2 70 year old men stared fighting and had to be separated by the driver who had to stop the bus halfway up the M6! Mums already booked for next year!!
Anyway, today I’m planing a lovely long run then a trip into work to do some coursework then home for Sherlock!
The year, not my age obviously! ! So this is the opportunity to have a whole year AF. Feel quite inspired by other af ers! ! Specifically from
please take a look at these sites if you want to really get great help and advice. So I’m not planning in drinking this New Year. Getting lovely juices and sparkling water in. Have signed up for an online yoga site called http://www.movementfirmodernlife.com and have been doing daily practises, it’s great coz you can customizer which type of practise you want , how long for etc. Lots of different teachers. I’m a complete beginner but find it helps me as a runner to stretch and to really relax. Just love it.! My darling daughter is home and I’ve been using that as an excuse to drink the last 2 nights, mostly I think as a reaction to the fact that I have 2 assignments due in January for a course I’m on. I just need to stop prevaricating and get on with it. Im not doing the next am dram show, this feels like a really important decision for me because as an attention seeker I will be in the position of supporting others to do well as I’m still in the company and on the committee. Might teach me a lesson in humility!! Instead of it all being me me me. Here are the links …Hopefully!
Happy new year
Well, gor the first time in many years I have gotten through Christmas without a drink! Admittily I drank on the 23rd and the week up to Xmas. ..bizarrely because I was worrying about drinking at Christmas! Makes no sense, but that’s me all over.
Anyhow feel very pleased with myself , especially as I battled with a bottle of prosecco yesterday lunchtime and won gor a change I had patience with the kids and hubby, for which they are grateful for but not for the setting up of my new ipad hubby got for me!! Couldn’t work out the apps .. So frustrating! ! Poor hubby was beginning to think he should of got me bubble bath instead ungrateful cow that I am! Anyway sorted now. Insomnia has arrived in my life and has become a 3 am wake up call every day for a month, with or without alcohol.
Went to sleep with the news that George Michael had died…What a shock. So many talented people have passed away this year. He was another tormented soul, battling his demons …gone far too soon.
So on that note I will sign off for today and say peace to you all xx
As you can see I get all the glamorous roles!! Nearly finished a run of 8 shows of various songs from all sorts of musicals. Initially I thought I might get a part in Cell Block Tango or All That Jazz but ended up as Mistress of the House, Aunt Ella in Oklahoma and Adelaide from Guys and Dolls when I murder Adelaides Lament! Last night I forgot my words so it was even more excruciating then usual!! It’s been hard work and I’ve had laryngitis and a chest infection throughout . …felt very sorry for myself!! Anyway after show parties are coming up tonight and tomorrow night. I drank last weekend when my girls came to see the show. so disappointed with myself because I’d Had 60 days . There is just a link with meeting up with my daughters and feeling I need to drink. It’s not even much and certainly not worth it. The girls love me being sober so I need to totally commit. I feel strong now and love my sober life even when I’m ill! Just wish I could stop the odd moment of madness.
I read an interesting article saying how not drinking let’s our real selves emerge. That’s scary at first but once you can accept it, you don’t have to hide behind the bottle . You also can cope better ironically because I find I’m so much less of a drama queen. Feeling shit passes eventually and letting it pass AF is a wonderful feeling!
So I’m off to put my greasepaint on for the last two times and I’m going to enjoy it. I’ve a feeling my am dram life may be coming to an end. Maybe I don’t need so much attention after all!
About a month ago my gorgeous daughter returned from her far east travels, not to settle down and start a family as I’d secretly hoped but to save more dough to go back out travelling again, this time to Australia. It’s a strange set of feelings I have about this….slightly relieved as I’m far too young to be a granny as well as slightly disappointed! Overwhelmingly though I feel so glad that she is living her dream.I have to admit to being quite jealous when she first went off, she was getting to do all the things I dreamed of. But with more thought I realised how wonderful it is that she is able to have this opportunity. She worked so hard to save the money to go and together with her boyfriend they planned and didn’t plan lots of great adventures, including a night trek in the jungle in Borneo with only an iPhone for light and sandals!! Anyhow after a week in Skiathos with a friend this year , I realised travelling is too much like hard work for more than 2 weeks a year so I’m over my envy!! Must be my age, any how the reason I’m telling you all this is that when she came back I gave her my car so she could find work . She is staying with her Nan 300 miles away . So we are a 1 car household with my hubby cycling to work on his electric bike while I drive 10 miles in the opposite direction in the estate which until this week.I couldn’t park!! So this weekend hubby had to go away and my son and I are stranded 10 miles from a shop!! We have had a wonderful weekend. Don’t have to be anywhere coz we can’t and for the first time in years I have had a weekend in my home and sober!! It’s a bit like going on holiday where you are forced to relax!! Of course I should of started my essay for my ophthalmology course but hey…what’s the hurry!!
The latest show starts next weekend with the local am dram company I’m in. It’s a journey through the musicals!! (Not my words)! In some cases it’s more of a car crash through but hey it’ll be a laugh. I can’t yet sing my song in tune despite numerous attempts but according to the MD it’s ok coz it’s funny!! No place for bruised egos here!
As far as sobriety goes this year I have been sober the majority of the time . I can count on 2 hands how many times I have drank and this episode represents 21 days continously . Hubby has joined me!! What a difference having that support makes for each other but have to be wary we don’t waver at the same time. He is seeing such results in his work and energy levels but still finding sleep a problem. I’m starting to feel like it’s less likely I will go back to my old ways, the thought of wine turns my stomach but I still get that craving for something at wine o clock. Nothing really hits the spot so I just distract myself with food and tv till it passes any suggestions?
Last weekend I did my first Ultra marathon ! ! 33 miles in the Trossachs . ..sounds painful and it was. The first 10 miles I was cursing everything and everyone , arguing with myself why I had entered in the first place. The middle 13 were euphoric ! ! I had the best ideas I’d had in years and loved everyone!! ( bit like being drunk !). The final 10 were tough, relentless route and at one point I thought I was going to die…. but soon rallied round and crawled over the finishing line in 6 hours 17 minutes 45 seconds. ….kinda wish I hadn’t stopped to take all them photos…Might of been quicker!
I have joined oneyearnobeer which I would recommend to anyone wanting support . They have a Facebook page which is closed and is great for instant support together with SWANS this is making me feel stronger in.my endeavours and able to support others !!
So this is mad week for the show which starts next Saturday . I’m very excited as I get to wear a fat suit and 5 wigs! pics to follow!